I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
