I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
