I think I am morally bankrupt
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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