I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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