The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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