He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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