literally had 100 drinks last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
