Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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