Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
