My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
