I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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