Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
