There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
