I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Someone shattered a urinal.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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