I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
