1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
