sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
