there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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