Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
