Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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