If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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