He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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