I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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