I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
