I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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