Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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