Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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