The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
