For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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