just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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