I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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