FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
