you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
