Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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