yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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