ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
where are my eyebrows?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
