Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize