Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
