The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Randomize
