Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize