Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize