i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize