Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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