I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
