I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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