im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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