Can Purell be used as lube?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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