Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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