He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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