Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
