Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
