Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
