pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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