he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
