I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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