He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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