He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
