Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
