is your mom at the bar?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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