i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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