If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize