u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
