jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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