I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
