New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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