It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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