omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
