yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When did angry sex become our thing?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
