so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
