The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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