By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
