I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
