I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
