I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
