I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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