Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
