I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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