Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize