so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
