I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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