question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
