I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize