Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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