we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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