Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
