my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
