No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will be naked everywhere
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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