found the other keg... it's in the tree
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
