I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just had sex on a roof
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize