Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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